Status Quo

How are things after close to two months of uproar?  As Ginny said this morning: " I wonder which Betty we will see today".  Mom's mood is like the New England weather: if you don't like it, wait a few minutes and it will change.  Yesterday, Mom began in a very stubborn mood: she did not want to go to the activity; she did not have to go to the bathroom; she was not having her haircut; she did not care if I brought her a hard boiled egg the next day, because ' one egg is the same as the other".  There's a Zen koan in there, perhaps 'what is the sound of one egg boiling?".

So, I tried to listen to her, not correct her, and even explain things when she mentioned 'you tend to tune me out at times and change the subject".  I said that I did tune her out if she began talking about something off topic, and I should be more careful in future converstations.  It's very hard to state the flat out truth, which is I changed the subject when she was going on about suing babies, acquaintences who visit houses of ill repute, mice who take Mom for a ride to Amagansett on a flying mauve carpet.  Oh, well.

After therapy the other day, I realized that some of my relationship with Mom is co-dependent, but it is part of the caregiver/patient dynamic.  But, I must take time to care for myself, give myself a live outside of nursing home visits.  That's why I am keeping doctors' appointments, writing this blog, and looking to do something on the weekend--gardening, birdwatching, shopping.  Yes, the caregiver wants to have it all.