This dance is a cross between the Lambada, the Beer Barrel Polka and the Electric Slide. It means I have to constantly change my approach to Mom. She tends to change the rules, but does so without telling me. So, I have to keep alert, and figure out what she really, really wants. These mental gymnastics are far more exhausting than an hour of weight training.
Today, I had the morning planned. I would change Mom's adult diaper in the bed, give her a sponge bath and get her dressed. Wrong. Mom opened the dance by getting into her wheelchair, before her Depends had been changed. I saw this and asked 'what are you doing?". and she replied " I am going to get on the commode". Why she did not just tell me " I need help to get on the commode' is beyond me. Anyhow, I went and fixed a cup of tea. After a 10 minute lapse, I said " what do you want to do?" and she said " I don't know. You are supposed to tell me, or nothing gets done". I remarked 'you always get mad when I tell you what to do" only to be told " I don't do anything unless somebody is in charge".
So, I saw my opportunity, and got her onto the commode, cleaned her, and the commode. Then she took a sponge bath, and got dressed. I just love the idea that I am the boss. Mom is a total control freak, and has fought me every step of the way, when I attempt to get her to do something she doesn't want to do. Suddenly, when it suits her, I am the power and the glory. Tomorrow, I will be the bad daughter who bullies her.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Mrs. Euclid
Why 'Euclid'?. I remember one snippet of his formula from high school geometry: " a straight line is the shortest distance between two points". Mom has always had a very unique form of logical reasoning, and it is not the least bit linear. She can take up the most irrational position, and defend it brilliantly. There have been times when I told her 'the wrong family member went to law school; it should have been you, not me".
Let's take the early morning wake up call. By early morning, I mean the time of day described by Sinatra as 'The Wee Small Hours of the Morning". Mom will begin, by calling "Ginny" ( which is my Sister's name) at 4AM. Or she'll call her Sister, Lucille. ( Aunt Lucille died almost 20 years ago). I sleep in the living room, and Mom is in the dining room , so of course I wake up immediately and ask 'what is it, Mom?". 9 times out of 10, she wants to know the time.
So, I've been asking her since November 'why are you calling other people at 4Am. She replied " I'm afraid to call you, because you'll get angry at me, so I call your Sister instead. Oh, it's ok--I can go back to sleep because you are either calling a person who sleeps like the dead (Ginny) or one who sleeps with the dead ( Aunt Lucille).
Or, the other excuse was 'you answered me, so you were already wide awake". I tried to explain that I have trained myself to wake up when she calls, but I can tell by the expression on her face that Mom isn't buying it.. A close family friend once tried to convince Mom that she was a leader, but Mom said "no, I could never take charge of people." He replied without missing a beat " You are a follower who won't be led".
I must take Penny for a long walk and clean the kitchen
Let's take the early morning wake up call. By early morning, I mean the time of day described by Sinatra as 'The Wee Small Hours of the Morning". Mom will begin, by calling "Ginny" ( which is my Sister's name) at 4AM. Or she'll call her Sister, Lucille. ( Aunt Lucille died almost 20 years ago). I sleep in the living room, and Mom is in the dining room , so of course I wake up immediately and ask 'what is it, Mom?". 9 times out of 10, she wants to know the time.
So, I've been asking her since November 'why are you calling other people at 4Am. She replied " I'm afraid to call you, because you'll get angry at me, so I call your Sister instead. Oh, it's ok--I can go back to sleep because you are either calling a person who sleeps like the dead (Ginny) or one who sleeps with the dead ( Aunt Lucille).
Or, the other excuse was 'you answered me, so you were already wide awake". I tried to explain that I have trained myself to wake up when she calls, but I can tell by the expression on her face that Mom isn't buying it.. A close family friend once tried to convince Mom that she was a leader, but Mom said "no, I could never take charge of people." He replied without missing a beat " You are a follower who won't be led".
I must take Penny for a long walk and clean the kitchen
Sunday, January 17, 2010
The Tao of Elizabeth
I've had some very unusual chats with Mom today. Part of the problem is we are both sleep deprived, because Mom awoke about 6am, insisting that I phone her doctor, because her left leg was swollen. ( it's the leg with the open sore and cellulitis). Knocking the sleep out of my brain, I took a look, then at Mom's direction, took her temperature. It was 96.8: normal for her.
Figuring that the ER at the local hospital was still overcrowded, I decided to play for time. I propped her left leg on a pillow, and said 'if your swelling hasn't gone down in two hours, we will go to the ER. ". Anyhow, the swelling ) line where her sock was, went down, so no ER.
Later that morning, Mom started talking about her latest obsession, the lady in the ER who was pretending to be my cousin, Jeanne. She said ' I looked at her, and knew something wasn't right about her. She had two left feet". I asked 'was this a dream or did it really happen"? Mom gave me a withering glare and said 'don't you think I know the difference?". I said 'yes, but if you don't tell your daughters that it's a dream, they might think you are loopy".
In the afternoon, I went to the kitchen to make tea for Mom. She calls out from the dining room " I can see you, and you are sitting on top of the breakfront, with a small goatee. No, I think you look like a werewolf or a bear" I said 'that Birthday gift had better be good. How can you see me if I'm in the kitchen?". When I walked into the dining room, I realized that Mom was talking about my portrait: half of my face is in shadow, and it does look a bit like a five o clock shadow. Yes, the portrait is next to the breakfront.
What have I learned today? That robots impersonating people have an extra left foot, and some of Mom's more far out remarks aren't so far out if you look at the context. Well, the three footed robot is a bit odd, isn't it?
Figuring that the ER at the local hospital was still overcrowded, I decided to play for time. I propped her left leg on a pillow, and said 'if your swelling hasn't gone down in two hours, we will go to the ER. ". Anyhow, the swelling ) line where her sock was, went down, so no ER.
Later that morning, Mom started talking about her latest obsession, the lady in the ER who was pretending to be my cousin, Jeanne. She said ' I looked at her, and knew something wasn't right about her. She had two left feet". I asked 'was this a dream or did it really happen"? Mom gave me a withering glare and said 'don't you think I know the difference?". I said 'yes, but if you don't tell your daughters that it's a dream, they might think you are loopy".
In the afternoon, I went to the kitchen to make tea for Mom. She calls out from the dining room " I can see you, and you are sitting on top of the breakfront, with a small goatee. No, I think you look like a werewolf or a bear" I said 'that Birthday gift had better be good. How can you see me if I'm in the kitchen?". When I walked into the dining room, I realized that Mom was talking about my portrait: half of my face is in shadow, and it does look a bit like a five o clock shadow. Yes, the portrait is next to the breakfront.
What have I learned today? That robots impersonating people have an extra left foot, and some of Mom's more far out remarks aren't so far out if you look at the context. Well, the three footed robot is a bit odd, isn't it?
Saturday, January 16, 2010
That's my Mommy
January has been a busy month. Somehow, Mom scratched her leg, about New Year's Eve, and it began to get red. I even phoned the doctor that night, but she blew me off, because I had seen her a few days ago, and discussed how Mom was a bit loopy with the urinary tract infection. 'Why are you bothering me this time of night over a UTI?" until I explained it wasn't so much the UTI as the redness on the leg.. Yeah, I was not to thrilled to be dissed by my own attending physician.
Anyhow, the leg got redder by the day, looking quite bad on the 9th, so we took Mom to the ER the next morning. It looked like a war zone. All the chronically ill seniors who did not 'want to be a burden" to their families during the holidays, came down to the ER. Every inch of space was taken up with gurneys. Mom was lucky enough to get a cubicle, with another older woman as a roommate . Both ladies were in their early 80's with cellulitis in the left leg, and both got very demented when the antibiotic IV's were started.
Mom and I had some interesting conversations.
Mom: there's something funny about that woman's leg.
Me: (stupidly) yes, she has cellulitis, like you.
Mom: no her arms and legs do not look quite normal. She is a robot.
I laughed so loudly that people walking by looked in, to see what was happening. Mom also decided that the hospital was being run by Bernard Kerik , who was Guliani's Police Commissioner. Somehow, the robotic old lady had been put in the witness protection program.
My conclusion: Mom watched too much Law and Order, and we won't let her watch the Twilight Zone marathon next New Year's Eve.
Anyhow, the leg got redder by the day, looking quite bad on the 9th, so we took Mom to the ER the next morning. It looked like a war zone. All the chronically ill seniors who did not 'want to be a burden" to their families during the holidays, came down to the ER. Every inch of space was taken up with gurneys. Mom was lucky enough to get a cubicle, with another older woman as a roommate . Both ladies were in their early 80's with cellulitis in the left leg, and both got very demented when the antibiotic IV's were started.
Mom and I had some interesting conversations.
Mom: there's something funny about that woman's leg.
Me: (stupidly) yes, she has cellulitis, like you.
Mom: no her arms and legs do not look quite normal. She is a robot.
I laughed so loudly that people walking by looked in, to see what was happening. Mom also decided that the hospital was being run by Bernard Kerik , who was Guliani's Police Commissioner. Somehow, the robotic old lady had been put in the witness protection program.
My conclusion: Mom watched too much Law and Order, and we won't let her watch the Twilight Zone marathon next New Year's Eve.
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